The fall air is so sharp with the smell of leaves. The air is warm and the slight breeze is blowing the fallen hues of red, orange, yellow and brown crispy leaves around my still green grass that is now dew-laden and sparkling in the sunlight. Birds are sunning and bathing at the backyard fountain, coming and going every few minutes. I have a hot cup of pumpkin spice coffee in my hands, savoring the extra dash of creamer and strong brew. A morning like hundreds of others only I truly see the scenery in a different light. A much more slowed down and appreciative light. Why is it that I never realized how beautiful the scenery out my own window is?
I love the sun but appreciate it even more because of my Lupus. I know spending too much time in it could cause me to go into a dangerous flare but I still walk out into it during the day and raise my face directly at it. I close my eyes but love that It feels so warm and wonderful. I would love to be able to enjoy it against my skin for long periods of time but can’t. I will savor a few minutes here and there and be thankful that my skin will be porcelain and pretty for the rest of my life.
I am still kind of in a daze over feeling as if I have lost the last seven months of my life, let alone the fact that it is already October 31st. It was just getting really warm in April when I became ill and it was at the prime of summer when I was hospitalized. I spent the month of August getting used to my new Lupus diagnosis and medications that I must now take to manage this disorder, and September and October trying to get back into the swing of life, loving, praising, parenting, jewelry design and just trying to find the new “me”. I missed the warm days swimming in the pool; daily walks/jogs with my friend and neighbor, driving to meet up with my best friend and her daughter for picnics in the park while our 7 year old daughters play fight tolerate each other. I didn’t travel, take my youngest to any theme parks or spend any time walking hand-in-hand on a beautiful beach. I did do one thing…. Survive!
There are so many things and people to be thankful for each day. Today, I am thankful that I am well enough to walk around with my little Medieval Princess while she collects candy at the Trunk-or-Treat Church party and then Trick-or-Treating with friends. My 18 year old attended a more grown-up party last night and is driving back to her college today. I hope to see her on her way through. I thank God for allowing me to witness another day of my daughter’s smiles. Happy Halloween 2010!!
thanks for reading today,
Julie
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