So it’s down to the last few hours of 2010 and I can say firmly that I will NEVER look back on it! Time to ‘cowgirl up’ and knock back the Gin with disregard to the slow painful burn. I won’t be bitter and spiteful about it; I will just smile and dismiss it as one of the worst ever. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger right?
The not so good: I have had to be tough, and by tough I mean REALLY thick skinned tough this year. Lupus brought the challenges that kicked my ass. Not only did it kick my ass, it literally wiped the floor with me. It put me at 100 lbs, it put me in the hospital, it left me dazed, confused and learning how to be the new Julie without taking away too much of the old Julie. It took precious time away from my family, daughters and friends that I can never get back. Lupus has taken a lot from me but… AS LONG AS MY HEART IS STILL BEATING IT HASN’T TAKEN EVERYTHING! So I will raise my glass tonight and say screw you Lupus. So far, with God on my side, I win.
The good: I have never appreciated life more than I do right now. I never really realized how fragile we all are and how fragile life is until I was in danger of losing mine. Maybe that’s the lesson out of this diagnosis. We can be perfectly fine one day and dealing with a living hell overnight. Maybe we need to be shocked into realizing the beauty that is all around us that we take for granted. We are here for such a short time and the things that consume our time aren’t even things that will help us in the end. Everyone seems so concerned about the size of their home, the size of their bank account, the luxury vehicles they drive and the designer clothes they wear. It’s like everyone is living the photo shopped life and making themselves believe it is real. Like busy little ants, scurrying around building their material empires. In the end, none of it will matter; it will be the sweet things we said or did that will become our legacy.
I started out saying “why me?” this spring and now going into 2011 I am saying “why not me”? I can take this because I am me. I have gained new strength and perspective and for that I truly am thankful. I have found out who really matters, who never will, who my true friends are and made new friends along the way. I have learned that unless you love the one you’re with you are not living, just existing. I feel so sorry for all of the people out there that just exist. I choose living!
Cheers and bring on a Happy NEW Year!
Julie
found you on fb and linked into your website. I'm Melissa (Missy Fee) Hill. Hopefully you will remember me. What a great blogspot you have created. Very impressive. Reading your post out of 2010 was inspirational and very courageous. You are a fighter and I am convinced you will face 2011's health challenges with a fierce head on approach. I'll continue to follow you posts and pray for you and your family. Regardless of you health battle, man you make 41 look great!! Be proud of that. Much love.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your insight and advice about lupus. Here is some more information about lupus:
ReplyDeleteHow Do You Get Lupus?
It is no secret that I have a very deep and personal relationship with God. I have pushed and resisted that relationship this past year through all the bullshit I have had to go through living with Herpes but once again, God is bigger than my stubbornness and broke through that outbreak cold sore and all I had Genital Herpes. For me personally, hearing over and over how I am not good enough has really invaded my mind in the worst way possible. I completely shut down and I was just waking up like is this how life going to end this temporary herpes outbreak “fuck everybody with herpes if you know what I mean” but let's be honest here...
ReplyDeleteIt is a cowardly to say no to herbal medicine. It is fear based. And it is dishonest to what my heart wants. Don't build a wall around yourself because you are afraid of herbals made or taking a bold step especially when it's come to health issues and getting cure. So many young men/ women tell me over and over that Dr Itua is going to scam me but I give him a try to today I feel like no one will ever convince me about herbal medicine I accept Dr Itua herbal medicine because it's cure my herpes just two weeks of drinking it and i have been living for a year and months now I experience outbreak no more, You can contact him if you need his herbal medicine for any such diseases like, Herpes, Schizophrenia,Cancer,Scoliosis,Fibromyalgia,Fluoroquinolone Toxicity Syndrome Fibrodysplasia Ossificans Progressiva.Fatal Familial Insomnia Factor V Leiden Mutation ,Epilepsy Dupuytren's disease,Desmoplastic,Diabetes ,Coeliac disease,Creutzfeldt–Jakob,,Lyme Disease,Epilepsy, ,ALS,Hepatitis,Copd,Parkinson disease.Genetic disease,Fibrodysplasia disease,Fibrodysplasia Ossificans Men/Woman infertility, bowel disease ,Huntington's disease ,Diabetes,Fibroid. disease,Lupus,Lipoid Storage diseases( Gauchers disease),Polycystic Disease.,Cerebral Amyloid Angiopathy, Ataxia,Cirrhosis of Liver,Arthritis,Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis,Alzheimer's disease,Adrenocortical carcinoma.Asthma,Allergic,HIV, Epilepsy, Infertility, Love Spell,. Email..drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com then what's app.+2348149277967.... My advice to any sick men/women out there is simple... Be Always an open book. Be gut wrenching honest about yourself, your situation, and what you are all about. Don't hold anything back. Holding back will get you nowhere...maybe a one way ticket to lonelyville and that is NOT somewhere you want to be. So my final truth...and I'm just starting to grasp this one..